This is one of those blogs – I write for me.
Honestly, I say they are all for me. But sometimes I write as an escape.
No, no, not that type.
Typically they aren’t sojourns to a cabin in the woods coming back with enlightenment.
There are escape as in, I’m trying to get away from some sort of personal prison.
It’s a distraction. Plan and simple, running.
Something negative, something that is not fun, pouring into something rather than deal with things.
I suppose, addicts feel this way. From what little I know about addicts, it’s not the method or the means so much
(Don’t get me wrong some things are more harmful, IMMEDIATELY, than others)
The real danger, ultimately is the untreated, uncovered behaviors and attitudes that led to the addiction.
It’s wasting time till something better comes along.
I do that a lot.
I’ve been wrestling with that for the last day or so. No, I’ve been wrestling with it for decades.
I just had the light of truth shine into a dark spot.
The saying of when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Well, for me, when the going gets tough, I just get going anywhere but were I need to be.
I just want to high tail it out.
The truth – it’s emotionally lazy. It’s veiled cowardice.
It usually plays out in seeking what keeps me occupied and excited. Making sure I fill the bucket.
But, you know, the bucket always has holes, because you are always looking for more – it’s like cotton candy.
Nothing satisfies.
Championship players say they feel it when they win, then the emptyness of “now what?” They have to hop back on a treadmill to get it back.
It’s loving the moment and then suddenly asking what’s next. It’s looking ahead to moment B, C and D. It’s the nice “high.”
The realty for me, It’s anything to minimize the pain, hurt or boredom.
That’s not to say I have some deep hidden demon or bogeyman in the closet.
While we are always dealing with negatives, stress and pain.
Just another of the neurosis that we all seem have tucked away.
There is an anchor, your self-identity.
Well, for me it’s my identity in who Jesus says he is.
Savior. What he gives, peace, stability and knowledge he holds the keys to everything.
It’s admitting I’m weak and scared.
It’s being aware of the grace you’ve been given.
And being grateful for what you have.
It’s not experiencing more, it’s experiencing WHO you are.
It’s seeing who you are becoming. I don’t know what comes next.
It’s embarrassing to say all this.
I’ve acted brave, but honestly I’ve looked for corners to cut.
It’s a thought that’s a day old and I’m’ cutting it up and chewing on it.
I’m making sure I savor everything it means.
I literally feel like I found this piece of wisdom buried in a treasure chest and I’m scraping and digging to understand it.
And it hurts, it stings, but I’m hopeful I’ll understand it a little more tomorrow.
As my mother said hundreds of time, “you don’t have to like it, but you do have to do it.”
I’m grateful for you and you reading this.
Here goes, the doing it part.
RUN TO YOUR GIANT 